The desire to please other people is a potent way to distract yourself from what you are feeling. While you are trying to avoid the displeasure of others, you are in extreme displeasure yourself. You are tense and ready for the worst. Your focus is on other people and what they are experiencing. You ignore your own experiences, except those of anxiety and fear.
The impulse to please other people is a powerful dynamic that is generated by fear of loss. You think that you cannot live without that which you fear losing, and so that need to gain the approval, admiration, caring and love of other people is intense. Emotionally, it is a very life-threatening matter. When other people show displeasure, it creates terror in you, which is extremely painful and creates a physical reaction in which your muscles contract, your pulse and respiration accelerates, and your focus becomes narrow. All that matters is pleasing another, or others.
The intention to become what you think another person wants you to be disrupts harmony, even though it may temporarily reduce tension.
It prevents cooperation and sharing. You cannot express creativity, except those parts of yourself that you think will be welcomed. You cannot revere others—relate to them soul to soul-and so you cannot utilize the vast depth and power of your presence on the Earth, or appreciate theirs.
Pleasing prevents you from experiencing your emotions because you are attempting to feel the emotions that other people are experiencing. You become lost in the attempt. You feel judged by one, disapproved by another, accepted by the third, and so on. Your own emotions are inaccessible to you because you are focused elsewhere.
Pleasing narrows your emotional experience to fear and anxiety, with moments of relief when you feel that you have succeeded. Then fear that you will not be able to continue shattering your relief. You feel that you are emotionally aware, but you are not. The pain of rejection remains.
You cannot breathe freely, relax into life, express your creativity, or appreciate yourself and others. Others cannot appreciate you, either. They do not know who you are, and YOU do not know who you are. You define yourself in terms of what you think are their perceptions. Your thoughts, speech, behavior constantly change because you your estimate of their perceptions always change. The pain of rejection you seek to avoid goes unexplored, and continues to create the need to please.